Monday, October 02, 2006

Prisoner of War

So I'm driving to work this morning mentally writing today's blog (It was gonna be all about cheese and crackers) when all of a sudden I notice the guy in front of me had one of those special license plates proclaiming that he was an EX-POW. He's wearing that license plate as a badge of honor.

HEY DOUCHEBAG...that plate proclaims that you were a crappy soldier and got caught by some 20 year old Kraut or Charlie or something and sat out the rest of the war in some cushy hotel eating cheese and crackers while the real soldiers were getting shot at.

Stop wearing it so proudly.

(Notice the clever way I still managed to work in cheese and crackers into today's blog?)

40 comments:

Cake said...

I wish I were a POW right now.

I want cheese and crackers.

Lois Lane said...

POWs get cheese and crackers? Aw man, they're so lucky.

What kind of cheese and crackers? I wanna be a POW too. Where do I go to surrender?

I Ain't No Oprah said...

>>>>POWs get cheese and crackers?>>>

Yup. It's in section 7.8 of the Genoa Salami convention

Anonymous said...

Lois,

I hear France is a good place for surrendering. As an added bonus, they have really good cheese.

Lois Lane said...

Oui! France it is! And I hear they have wine there too!

Let's go!

Cake said...

Lois:

POWs get wine, too???

Damnit, I should've joined the military...

Anonymous said...

France is also an outstanding place to not work out.

Je suis la!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

>>>>>Did you drive up next to him and yell MOW! MOW! while holding a pistol to your head?<<<<<<<<<<,

Nope...but Hoagy once threw a firecracker at a Vietnam Vet and the dude went all flashback psycho on Hoag screaming and stuff.

It was pretty cool.

Cake said...

If whoever gets to Paris first, and surrenders, could please save me a seat near the wine, I'd be very grateful.

Anonymous said...

1)The Democrats are ruining the country.
2) I have to pay for my own health insurance.
3) POWs are shameless self promoters.
4) People are complaining about spelling errors.
5) They don't pay teachers enough.
6) I'm not a Mr Cake.
7) Nothing for number 7
8) The nothing for number 7 joke is all used up.
9) This is a comb!
10) I've got a song stuck in my head
11) I fell down and my husband laughed at me because it was wicked funny.
12) There is no Hoagy.
13) too many people use anonymous

Oh I'm sorry, I thought you wanted some "whine". My bad.
-

Anonymous said...

Yeah, and it would be a real shame if I got all crazy with post-traumatic stress and had to come down there and fuck you all up and burn your little funny-book store to the ground.

You're on the list now, freedom-hater.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, and it would be a real shame if I got all crazy with post-traumatic stress and had to come down there and fuck you all up and burn your little funny-book store to the ground.

You're on the list now, freedom-hater.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

All those that agree with John McCain please raise their hand above their head...oh wait, John can't raise his hand above his head because he was 'tortured' while he was a 'POW'.

Suck it up Nancy!

bostongraf said...

First, why are we surrendering to the French? You can take over the whole country with an angry letter. Just take France, and drink their wine...Wisconsin and Vermont have better cheeses anyway. French cheese smells like French people. 'nough said.

Second... NoOprah, I thought you couldn't get any lower than trying to imply that you forgot about 9/11...But calling someone a douchebag because they are an Ex-POW is so far below the bar that I don't think you'll be able to out-do yourself.

Third, I will be reading every day to be sure that you find a way to lower the bar again.

Fourth, I forgot that there are actually THREE episodes of Becker that involve actors from Cheers.

bostongraf said...

First, why are we surrendering to the French? You can take over the whole country with an angry letter. Just take France, and drink their wine...Wisconsin and Vermont have better cheeses anyway. French cheese smells like French people. 'nough said.

Second... NoOprah, I thought you couldn't get any lower than trying to imply that you forgot about 9/11...But calling someone a douchebag because they are an Ex-POW is so far below the bar that I don't think you'll be able to out-do yourself.

Third, I will be reading every day to be sure that you find a way to lower the bar again.

Fourth, I forgot that there are actually THREE episodes of Becker that involve actors from Cheers.

Cake said...

"Suck it up Nancy!"

I thought you liked Ronnie...what's wrong with his wife?

I Ain't No Oprah said...

I love Ronnie.

He's the single greatest American.

Lois Lane said...

"...what's wrong with his wife?"

She kept hiding the cheese and crackers from poor Ronnie.

Cake said...

I love that NoOprah just treated my comment all seriously.

What a loser.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

When someone mentions Ronald *some intial* Reagan I get all misty eyed.

He ended the Cold War, ya know? And gave every American 40 acres and a mule.

Or something.

Anonymous said...

"...I get all misty eyed."

You're out. Again. Please turn in your toolbelt and smoking jacket at the door on your way out.

Lois Lane said...

And don't forget, he made catsup (katsup?) a vegetable!

Cake said...

I've lost all faith in NoOprah.

He doesn't even know Reagan's middle initial.

Anonymous said...

HEY! I'm sitting right here!

Anonymous said...

During my almost three-months of duty in 'Nam, I got scratched so badly that I needed a bandage! So does that make me smarter than ol' POW McCain? The enemy didn't catch me!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

A few things:

1. Ketchup is a fine vegetable...in fact, it just might be our greatest vegetable.

2. Getting misty-eyed when speaking of Ronald *some intial* Reagan does not get one booted from man club. EVER!

3. Ronald *some intial* Reagan would just POW! punch you in the kisser...douchebag.

4. I don't believe John Kerry really got scratched while in Vietnam...I'm guessing it was from raising taxes and not really having any plan what-so-ever

bostongraf said...

Reagan accomplished more for this country in his sleep than most POW's did in their cells.

(OMG, I can't believe I just said that...)

Anonymous said...

The first rule of man club (once you're out of man club) is to not talk about man club.

Please cease and desist.

Anonymous said...

SEE?!?!?!?!?!

This is what I've been saying all along! Finally someone gets it.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

BostonGraf...Manhug.

Cake said...

Get a room, you two.

Anonymous said...

Only if you're bringing at least one skanky broad.

bostongraf said...

Man Club, you should know that there is no need to get a room. There is a legal ManHug.
- Start with a chest level high five, but instead of a slap, the hands remain gripped.

- With the continuing high five still in between the two men, a shoulder pat completes the ManHug such that men's chests never touch each other.

This is the highest amount of physical contact allowed between two men in the ManClub (excluding any and all attempts to cause physical harm to another man).

Bemisdown said...

Reagan didn't end the Cold War.

AND he's dead, which removes him from the Single Greatest American pool.

Bemisdown said...

And I'm still waiting for my 40 acres...oh yeah, they're probably in the former Communist Soviet Union which RR DIDN'T break up.

I'll excuse him the mule, since he's dead and all.

Anonymous said...

Wasn't Ronnie a WWII POW?

Oh, that's right -- he was too busy pursuing a Hollywood career to join the Army.

Thank gawd - otherwise he'd have risked being a douchebag.

Now . . . where'd I put my cheese and wine?

Anonymous said...

DAMN! Motheragawd beat me.

I need to learn to read more effectively.

::slinks off to sample more fine victuals::

I Ain't No Oprah said...

And yes Virginia, Ronald Reagan DID end the Cold War.

Anonymous said...

"Suck it up nancy"

Look, it's enought that you admire Reagan.

You don't have to quote him too.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, just checked Google quotes on that. Wasn't Ronnie to Nancy, it was Art Linkletter.