Sitting with daughter last night....here is how that went:
ME: "Did we TiVo that?"
DAUGHTER: "We don't have TiVo"
ME: "I call it TiVo...should I have said Did You Digitally Record That?"
DAUGHTER: "Whatever" :::totally wants no part of the upcoming conversation:::
ME: "Don't you ask for a Kleenex when you need a tissue?"
DAUGHTER: "I ask for a tissue"
ME: "YOU DO NOT!"
DAUGHTER: "Well I don't ask for Kleenex"
ME: You're just like Cousin Saul who will actually say...'Please pass the JELL-O Brand gelatin'....instead of just Jell-O. How would you ask for Royal Brand gelatin?"
DAUGHTER: "I would never ask for Royal Brand Gelatin"
ME: "When you search something on the internet do you say I need to search something on the World Wide Web or do you just say 'I need to Google something'?"
DAUGHTER: "I don't say I need to Google something"
ME: *sigh*...When you want money for a car, please just Ask Jeeves"
(I TiVo stuff, Xerox stuff, use Keenex, eat JELL-O, drink Coke, wear Levis...regardless of the brand...well, actually I only wear Levi Brand Blue Jeans)
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
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14 comments:
Whatever
So you're frustrated because your daughter refuses to be beaten down by the masses and actually chooses to use the proper name for something? You should be praising her.
BTW you DO NOT go Rollerblading!
I feel for you...I really, really do. Here's a tissue.
(Oh and that was directed to Daughter of NoOprah. Forgot to say that.)
"How would you ask for Royal Brand gelatin?"
Well I don't live in a trailer park so I wouldn't. I'd just go for the Jell-O
I need a corn chip.
Corn chip, Q-Tip, whatever...
Hell, it's your birthday week. You should be able to digitally record whatever you want, and not get any guff for it. Make sure you tape over all of your daughter's "Gilmore Girls" episodes with college football (or, as they say in genericland, game played on a 100-yard gridiron by matriculated quasi-students with a pigskin ball).
-- Lamont Cranston
"I TiVo stuff, Xerox stuff, use Keenex, eat JELL-O, drink Coke, wear Levis...regardless of the brand..."
Hang on a sec, are you saying you drink generic Coke-like pop?!
Ewww.
Clearly, a well-timed "Whatever" is not a good way to nip a noopie rant in the bud. Thus, I take great pleasure in modifying the following portion of this blog entry (free of charge):
ME: "Did we TiVo that?"
DAUGHTER: "We don't have TiVo"
ME: "I call it TiVo...should I have said Did You Digitally Record That?"
Daughter: 1) "Yes. Yes, dad. You should have said that."
Daughter: 2) "Isn't TiVo a member of the Jackson 5, dad? Or a rapper? Yeah, he's a rapper! Have you heard his new album, dad?"
Daughter: 3) "This may get me grounded, dad, but it's worth it. What are you, fuckin' retahded?"
Daughter: 4) "I dunno. But, how 'bout that sports team, dad? You know: the one you watch on TV all the time? Those guys--they wear uniforms."
Daughter: 5) " ." (i.e., nothing for #5)
Hoepfully I can drown this all out using my Apple brand MP3 player.
I call the Rolling Stones 'the Rock Band' and Star Trek 'the Science Fiction show'
And thats cool.
From now on, it's not "douchebag" , it's "Summer's Eve Douchebag"
"The Science Fiction Show: Voyager"?
-- Lamont Cranston
Aww, someone likes me.
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