Monday, October 23, 2006

Yet another blog making fun of Hoag's daintyness

As you all know my friend Hoagy has one of the world's largest thimble collections. Let's interview him shall we...

ME: "So Hoag tell us, how long you've collected thimbles?"

HOAG: "I don't collect thimbles."

ME: "Is it true you have thimbles from all fifty states and Puerto Rico?"

HOAG: "I don't collect thimbles."

ME: "We've heard you had specially made shelves to house your collection...is it true it's made from imported teak?"

HOAG: "I don't collect thimbles."

ME: "We've heard your prized piece is the one that has the Lords Prayer emblazoned on the top...any others that are special to you?"

HOAG: "I don't collect thimbles."

ME: "We've heard the value of thimbles is skyrocketing...what do you estimate your collection to be worth?"

HOAG: "I don't collect thimbles."

ME: "What first attracted you to thimbles?"

HOAG: "I used to help my mom sew buttons on my shirts."

ME: "You wore dresses, didn't you?"

HOAG: "I don't collect thimbles."

ME: "You wore dresses, didn't you?"

HOAG: "Only while sewing"

ME: "Do you have any manly hobbies?"

HOAG: "I collect thimbles"

ME: "That aint manly"

HOAG: "Is wearing dresses?"

ME: "Nope."

HOAG: "Is that a french fry in my sewing basket?"

ME: "It's all yours buddy"

28 comments:

Anonymous said...

MMMMMMmmmmmm....that Hoagy is so fine!

Anonymous said...

NoOprah:

Sometimes a line of questioning can reveal bias on the part of the interviewer. You might have asked Hoagy if he has collected any MANLY thimbles.

For instance, I have a Chuck Norris thimble. I just throw it into my sewing basket and my socks darn themselves.

-- Lamont Cranston

Anonymous said...

You might want to go back to writing lists with nothing for #7.

Cake said...

I thought he collected those little wee silver souvenir teaspoons...or is that you?

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Dear Bacon Ace,

You're on my list.

Lois Lane said...

"You're on my list."

Let me guess--he's #7, right?

Anonymous said...

Dammit Lois you beat me to it.

Cake said...

Lois is my hero!

Lois Lane said...

::blushes::

Thanks, Cake!

And for my next trick...tah-dah!

(You can't see it, but I'm standing on my head while juggling a dozen thimbles *and* typing this. Very impressive.)

I Ain't No Oprah said...

I'm on my head reading this and it looks like you're just standing there withn thimbles in your hands.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday NoOprah :)

You look great for 35!

Anonymous said...

I hope you're having a sexy birthday!

Lois Lane said...

Did I mention the thimbles are on fire?

And Happy Birthday!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

You know, if I had known Hoag collected flaming thimbles I wouldn't have made fun of him.

Flaming thimbles would be pretty cool. For hot pieces of metal attached to ones fingers.

Cake said...

Hope supper's fried chicken with tacos, pancakes on the side, and candy for dessert!

Someone wise once told me that you're as young as you act...which makes you about 14.

Happy birthday, retard!

Anonymous said...

Here's to a happy sexy Fritos filled birthday noOprah.

Lois Lane said...

Sexy Fritos...what an odd concept.

But what the heck, it's your birthday. Enjoy those sexy Fritos!

Bemisdown said...

Wait...

Is that a gray hair I see on your head? Please allow me to rip it out of your scalp and cause you pain!

Happy B-Day! Are you wearing your teal Victoria's Secret thongs?

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Plural?

Cake said...

I think she's suggesting you need more than one pair...I'm not sure if that's a compliment or an insult.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Depends on which way I wear them I suppose...

Bemisdown said...

You can refer to "thongs" in the singular or the plural, as in...

"Hold on..she's gonna bend over again and you can see the top of her thongs..."

or

"What should I wear? Boxer shorts or a thong for buddy night?"

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, Nooprah.
I'm 50 today.

Anonymous said...

and I'm 64!

(Will you still love me? Will ya still need me?)

Happy B-day, Nooprah!

Anonymous said...

It's "Will you still need me, will you still feed me," dolt.

Anonymous said...

::smashes a wine glass and waves it at Bacon Ace threateningly::

Come over here and say that, I dare ya!!

Sparkle Plenty said...

This is probably my favorite noopie blog entry ever. Damned if I know why. More Hoag dialogues, please! Or I'll even take a Hoag monologue (in the style of Shakespeare and Deadwood).

Anonymous said...

Paul, Paul, Paul...you were "the cute one". How did it go so wrong?

P.S. This shit wouldn't fly in the Rolling Stones.