So a few years ago completely out of the blue my face starts getting this wicked weird flaky skin condition. It looked like I had a sunburn and was now peeling.
It was hideous. I thought it might just be dry skin or something and it would go away.
It didn't.
Until Dr. Hoagy gave me some moisturizing cream. I followed his directions and within a few days my skin was back to normal.
And then I read the tube.
Dr. Hoagy gave me hemorrhoid cream.
For my face.
And it worked.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
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17 comments:
That's why a healing factor is the best superpower.
A friend of mine swears by "udder cream."
And, yes, she's heard all the cow and milky complexion jokes...
a 'friend' of yours?
If you think I'm talking about myself in the third person...that's udderly foolish and a whole lotta bull.
That's why ass-face is the best superpower.
Dear Nooprah,
Might you be a Top Model? Because Top Models use that stuff to give themselves "instant facelifts."
Take our quick quiz:
1) Do you like to spontaneously freeze into manly poses (tossing football, lighting pipe, inspecting detailing of pockets, throwing head back in manly laughter)?
2) Do you spit?
3) Are you known by just your first name ("Nooprah")?
Wonder why your skin was shedding. Maybe you were turning into a possum?
Cheersies!
Oh, and this gag was in the first episode of "30 Rock." Thanks, Alec Baldwin.
Tina Fey is stealing from Hoag?
And Hoag didn't do it as a joke...he just knew the active ingredient would clean up my assface.
"Egg whites whipped to a froth?"
Mmmm, lemon meringue pie...
Whipped Into A Froth is the name of my new novel.
I'm pretty sure your story tells me that I should sell you these gold nuggets that I have in my pocket. No, no...they only look like Legos!
"Gullible's Travels" might be a better name for your new novel.
(And I quote: "I followed his directions and within a few days my skin was back to normal...And THEN I read the tube...")
It worked....what part of the story don't you understand?
Whoa...slow down and take a spit break there, Cochise. I know it was a happy, taut-skinned ending. All I'm saying is that I would read the tube first. But, I grew up with a ton of older cousins and siblings handing me things and saying, "Here, try this!" I likely err on the side of too much caution.
Do you suppose Dr. Hoagy would use expensive facial lotions if he every got hemorrhoids?
I would never ever need to read the tube first as the Hoag would never play a gag on me.
He's my buddy.
So....is that toothpaste he gave you working ok?
"He's my buddy."
::wipes eyes:: I love heterosexual lifemate love stories.
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