As you might know I have a 45 second rule when it comes to someone telling me about their dream. After 45 seconds I'm no longer listening.
I also have a 45 second rule about telling me about an accident you almost had. Almosts don't count. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
And after last night's HORRIBLE commute for everyone in the Boston area I've decided bad commute stories now only get the 45 seconds. Sorry, thems my rules.
So anyhow, here is what I did on my horrible commute home last night.
I drove real, real slow cuz traffic was moving real, real slow. And once I realized it was gonna be a slow, slow commute I opened up my windows and just started smiling and waving at folks for no real reason. And then I found a cigar in my car and lighted that baby up (if I was gonna wave and smile at folk, I was at least gonna look cool doing so)
And then Hoag started texting me, and family would call, and then I'd call someone, and then I'd wave and smile some more. And take some puffs off of Joey Cohiba (the cigar, not a guy)
The point of the story?
I can go more than 45 seconds when telling my commute, near accident, or dream stories. You can't.
And what normally takes me 37 minutes to drive took me over three hours (took my brother 5 and 1/2)
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21 comments:
In France, its called LeDrive
::skims::
So to sum up:
It took you a long time to drive home yesterday.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
Yeah, I thought I'd have a hard time, but SANTA came along and gave me a lift. Sorry. I guess SANTA just likes me a little more than he likes you. Guess that makes a better story. He let me drive the sleigh!
(Yet, your story is pretty cool.)
::skims again::
To sum up some more:
You have a boyfriend named Joey. Is Hoag jealous?
Is that Joey from the Sopranos? I hear he gives good cigar.
I'm sorry. This is droning on....so help me, quiet down now or I'll start singing. And no one wants that.
3 hours? You should have driven faster.
::starts up the karaoke machine::
Go to it, Lois!
If the Beatles sang about last nights snowy commute:
1.All My Spinning.
2. The Long And Standing Still Road
3.I Am The Guardrail
4. Happiness is a Warm Car
5. Lucy On the Road With Douchebags
6. Eleanor Skidby
7. Clogged Penny Lane
8) Do You Want To Know A Shortcut?
9) The Ballad Of John And Snow-Blow
10) I'll Follow The Plow
- All You Need Are Gloves
- Baby You're a Ditch Man
- And Your Wheels Can Spin
- Here Comes the Snow
- Please Mister Towman
- Twist and Skid
Drive My Car
::stop wait wait::
Drive My Car
::stop wait wait::
Drive My Car
::stop wait wait::
Drive My Car Drive My Car
Drive My Car Drive My Car Drive My Car Drive My Car Drive My Car
Drive My Car Drive My Car Drive My Car Drive My Car Drive My Car Drive My Car Drive My Car Drive My Car Drive My Car Drive My Car
Drive My Car Drive My Car Drive My Car Drive My Car Drive My Car Drive My Car Drive My Car Drive My Car Drive My Car Drive My Car
#15-Why Don't We Do It In The Snow Filled Road?
#16-Day (and night) Tripper
#17-HONK!
#18-Got To Get You Into My Lane
#19-Maxwell's Silver Hummer
Incredible.
Andy Pettite and Roger Clemens both get named in the steroids report, and not a word from NoOprah?
You're slipping, man.
-- Lamont "Back Acne and Rage" Cranston
What if The Beatles sang about Clemens and Petitie (and all of the other cheatin' bastards:
1. Rocket :spit: Loon!
2. Roger In The Stall With Steroids
3. All Tests Must Pass
4. A Shot Of Rythmn and Roids
5. Mean Mr. Mitchell
6. Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except For Me And My Urine.
7.Roidalution 9
8.While My "Guitar" Gently Shrinks
At this time, I am pinning a blue ribbon on No Oprah. I think #6 might be my favorite, but it is a mighty close call.
-I'll Follow The Syringe
-You Never Give Me Your Andro
-Here Comes The Syringe
-Juicin' In the SkyDome With Damon
-Fixing a Vein
-Eight Days A Week (and then off for eight days)
i dont why you're whining so much about driving that long. i can do that with my eyes closed in texas
I stopped reading this one after 45 seconds. How did it end?
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